I have been home now and relatively inactive for 5 months now. I have lived those 5 months in yoga pants and t-shirts. It was brought to my attention that I really should put on some real clothes, and then maybe get to feeling better about everything. So we took a girls’ trip to Lane Bryant to try on jeans. I grabbed a size 18 pants, knowing that the 16 would be too small now that I had gained a whopping 30 pounds since being home. Now the size 18 pants with up and over and i could button them, but they created the most fantastic and unignorable (if thats not a word it should be) muffin-top I have ever seen in all of my days. So I did what any level headed and rational female would do… I sat in my sitting room and cried. My mother and Aunt came in to give me a pep talk, and what was said really made sense to me…. Its just a number. Who cares? It didn’t have to define how I felt about myself. So I picked myself up, went and got a pair of jeans a size bigger and prayed that the would fit correctly. They did and they are comfortable! I complemented my new jeans with a pretty camisole and sweater and left the store feeling pretty good about how I looked and the new size 20 outfit that I just got.
This will bring me to a little pep talk to all the ladies out there who have things they hate about their bodies. They are just things… They do not define you. The imperfections are what makes us who we are. I have wanted to lose weight for so many years. I have lost and gained back over and over again, and my overall underlying motif was the same each time I lost…. I wanted to look good so that some guy would think I was worthy for him to be with. And anyone can tell you that is the wrong reason to lose weight or go on any type of diet. The decision to change something about yourself be it your hair, weight, breast size, etc has to come from a pure place within yourself, or you will never be satisfied with those changes and who you are. We women can look beautiful no matter what flaws we think we have… and if they are that noticeable to you, I can guarantee there are ways to hide them without going to extremes. For example… I carry a spare-tire around my stomach… its not flattering at all and I am very self conscious in everything that I wear that it can be seen. Solution…. Don’t go out and buy low rise pants! I now know to buy pants that sit at my natural waist… and hell if I have to I will wear them a little higher than that… and make sure that I get the tall length so it doesn’t look like I am Steve Urkle’s relative. The other tip I can give you is this… and listen carefully! I do not care what Old Navy and the Backstreet Boys try to tell you…. Skinny Jeans are NOT for everybody! If you take nothing else away from this, remember that!
Moving away from the big girl talk…. I had an outing this Sunday with my mother. Apparently there is a Fresh Market the first Sunday of every month in Hyde Park, Tampa, Florida, so we decided to go and see what it was all about. It was totally awesome. I had such a good time. I went decked out in my new outfit! There were good vendors everywhere! I got fresh baked rosemary bread, I met a man who carves all of his jewelry by hand made from wood and ivory. I had old fashioned strawberry lemonade that was out of this world, and a gourmet grilled cheese sandwich with red pears, almonds, and goat cheese that was to DIE for. It was a bit on the hot side, but this man who was an absolute genius was selling ice cold coconuts that he drilled a hole into the top of and stuck a straw in… Happy delicious drinking for everyone. It was totally worth the 10 minutes I waited in line. It was a fabulous day, and I cannot wait until next month to go again.
My back surgery is in 2 weeks as long as everything stays on track, and I am really looking forward to being pain free and getting back on the right track to life. Until then, I am just taking one day at a time and remaining size 20 and fabulous!.