As I sit here watching Interview With the Vampire, I can’t help but ask myself, ‘What happened to sexy vampires?’ Interview With the Vampire was the first vampire movie that I remember ever seeing. My older sister was watching it in her room with her friend, and I remember sneaking out onto the porch and watching through the sliding glass door that led to her room. Of course I couldn’t hear any dialogue, but the characters’ looks and actions made an impression on my eleven year old mind. I watched until I was discovered by my mother and forced to go back inside to whatever mundane show or movie that was playing on the living room television. Some years later I remember being able to sit down and watch it again, this time with sound and the full effect. Though much of it scared me, I remember thinking how gorgeous Lestat (played to Tom Cruise) and Louis (played by Brad Pitt) were. As the movie went on were were introduced to another gorgeous vampire, Armand (played by Antonio Banderas). Everything about these vampires (silky hair, gorgeous eyes, perfect fangs, and envy inspiriting nails) screamed sex appeal. I am sure that there were a few vampires in the movie there weren’t gorgeous, but their characters and names were not worth remembering. Another thing about these vampires that made them sexy as hell was their quiet, elegant strength. And though Louis was the compassionate one of the three with his soft spot for Claudia, he could never be described as whiney, sniveling, or weak.
From there other vampire movies and shows emerged with sexy vampires, though non could really compare to Louis, Lestat, and Armand (Though Angel from the show Buffy the Vampire Slayer is an exception). That was until Dracula 2000 came out. I am not too sure how many people actually saw this movie, but all I can say is Gerard Butler as Dracula…… Yummy! Even if the movie itself wasn’t that great… it’s totally worth watching to see a young Gerard Butler with his Dark curly locks! Beautiful.
Then we have Twilight… now I know there are a lot of Twilight fans out there. I myself and many people that I know devoured the books when they came out. They were fast, fun, and intriguing reads. They were honestly some of the fastest reads I have ever had. I remember actually going to the midnight release at Barnes and Nobles with my sister and waiting in line for hours to get a copy of Breaking Dawn. (Don’t deny it sis). I remember very vividly how I pictured each vampire in the book, and they all had that vampire sex appeal I had come to love. Then the best thing in the world happened!… They announced that they were going to make a movie out of Twilight. My sister and I were in the movie theatre line with all of the other teeny-boppers, moms, and reluctant husbands who where forced to endure their wives pick for date night. The movie had all the potential to be a hit, but who do they pick to play Edward, the lead Vampire role? Cedric freakin’ Diggory! For all you non Harry Potter fans (and I hope there are not a lot of you out there) Cedric Diggory (played by Robert Pattinson in The Goblet of Fire) was the all around perfect guy who needless to say doesn’t appear in any other Harry Potter film or book. If they were gonna choose an actor from Harry Potter to play Edward (the sexy brooding vampire) they would have been better off choosing Neville Longbottom (Put a picture of Neville Longbottom (Matthew Lewis) today next to Robert Pattinson and tell me if I am crazy). Robert Pattinson has a hard time pulling off sexy (and if you think he does… please rethink your decision). Not only that, the tough, caring Vampire that is portrayed in the book is replaced by a character that comes off whiney and not the least bit tough in the movie (need we bring up the ‘hold on spider monkey’ comment?). And lets talk about how he is supposed to be beautiful in the sunlight, like a million sparkling diamonds… They took and average man and dumped a shit ton of glitter on him expecting him to look beautiful… hmmm I think not! Then he wants to say,“This is the face of a killer.” Do your worst glitter boy. Do your flippin worst!
Words can never convey the extent of my disappointment in the death of the Sexy Vampire with the release of Twilight… And if you wonder what would Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise say to their Sexy Vampire Legacy; one of my favorite pictures from Pintrest.com says it all…
So here is to hoping for the return of the Sexy Vampire. May they come back in full force.