The Dress From HELL

I know that I am a big girl. I have come to embrace it and love that fact about me. There are even days when I look into the mirror and say ‘Damn! You look good today!” Would I like to be skinner??? Absolutely! But if it doesn’t happen I am not going to lapse into a fit of depression and unhealthy eating practices. I enjoy food, I enjoy cooking, and I really don’t see anything wrong with that. I operate under the motto “Big girls need love too.”(We wont think about my still being single). I have mentioned previously that I have had trouble finding clothes that fit me in this country, but one of the wonderful things about living overseas in Southeast Asia is that getting clothes made is wicked cheap. I am a big girl and for me to buy enough fabric and get an entire set (top and bottom) made it cost me $13 maybe $15 at the most.

I had this wonderful idea to get this awesome dress made. I saw this beautiful dress on the Lane Bryant website and knew that I just had to have it. It has an a-line skirt and a wrap top that tied on the side. When I checked out shipping costs I was looking at an extra $50 added to the already $47 dress. So being the brilliant cheap ass that I am, I had the great idea to take the picture to my tailor and have her recreate the dress. I picked out a gorgeous pearl-white material and another material that was a bit gauzy with green flowers. Though it could look horribly wrong with a whole frock made from it, I thought it would be really pretty as an edging around the bottom of my dress and the sleeves.

I brought the picture of the dress along with the material and explained what I wanted. She was very excited and confident that she could make it. I asked her how much and it was only going to cost me $6 to have it made. We agreed on two weeks and she would bring it to me.

I was really excited. My mother and grandfather are planning on coming to visit me in May, and I thought it would be the perfect dress to wear when I go to get them at the airport. After about a week the tailor came in with a revised drawing where she had taken out the a-line skirt and replaced it with a more flowing one (there was concern that my butt was too wide for the a-line). I explained to her that though the flowing skirt was nice too, I wanted it as close to the original picture as possible. She laughed and said “oh yeah yeah.”Another week passed and she came back telling me that she has finished my dress and she wanted me to try it on to see where she should make alterations. I jumped up in pure excitement and ran to the door to get my dress. The bundle she held in her hand was mostly the flower fabric instead of white. I tried not to freak out saying that even if that was the case it wouldn’t be all that bad. I went to my room and tried the dress on and looked in the mirror… I busted out in unconfined laughter.  I looked like Easter had puked all over my body. Not only that, but where she had placed the tie was a bit lower than I wanted… so it perfectly lifted and accentuated my muffin-top.  My tailor came in and she was completely beaming with pride at her creation. I didn’t have the heart to tell her it was terrible, so I hugged her and told her that it was perfect…Exactly what I had wanted.

After she left I walked into the family room to get my host parents’ opinion. As I entered the room my host father starting hysterically laughing and pointing while shaking his head. My host mother came up to me and asked “What happened?”I told her that I didn’t know. She then asked me if I had already paid for it, which of course I had. She sat down a little sad for me. My host father decided to be supportive and said, “You can’t wear that… It looks too funny. You look like a giant elementary schooler. Maybe we can use it for something else…like washing the floors or changing the oil in the car.”

So now I have a little girl Easter dress monstrosity to wear when I go the get my mother and grandfather from the airport. I might have to try and get something else made…. I am not sure if that is wise or totally foolish!

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5 thoughts on “The Dress From HELL

  1. Do not give choices to your dressmaker. One fabric. That’s it. Plain, no prints. You don’t need prints!! (as you know) – Very simple dress. I bet she will make it for you just the way you wanted. Be specific though. Some people have to have ALL the details. You want the waist to be so many cm’s from shoulder to waist. Measure in front of her. She’ll get it…I know it’s almost Easter, but hey, you will have a nice dress in the end for another great occasion. Maybe for taking mother and grandfather BACK to the airport! Good luck!

  2. “I looked like Easter had puked all over my body” – love it!! And I know it’s a blurry photo and it’s not much comfort coming all the way from Australia, but the dress doesn’t look THAT bad 😉 Keep up the awesome posts!!

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