Project: “Chicken Little”

**Disclaimer: Extreme boredom can lead to the accumulation of dumb ideas. I do not in any way condone the theft of objects, animals, or people.  Thank you and have a nice day**

Last week I was feeling under the weather and instead of resting like my host mother had insisted I do, I went on a day journey to a lake with my buddy Andy. On the bike ride home I saw the coolest thing, a dwarf chicken! It was 1/4 the size or a regular rooster. I had to do a double take to make sure I saw it correctly because it was just too good to be true. As I continued on my ride home it started to rain. Needless to say I got soaked. Upon arriving home my host mother was very distraught to see that I was wet and told me that I was going to get sick. I laughed and told her that I would be fine.  The next morning I woke up with my throat swollen shut, a nose clogged with a copious amount of snot, and my eyes feeling that I had rubbed sandpaper over them. After spending 10 minutes in the mirror practicing not being sick so that I wouldn’t have to hear the “I told you so,” from my host mother, I went down stairs for breakfast. Upon reaching the bottom of the stairs I proceeded to have a coughing fit that not only sounded terrible, but projected bright green shit from my mouth. (So much for faking not sick). My host mother pounced on me like a cat on a mouse screeching about how she told me to take a rest yesterday. She then made me eat breakfast, take medicine, and then go back up to bed. There I was to be imprisoned for the rest of the day and forced to sleep instead of going to school and teaching.

So as I laid in bed watching one of my favorite shows, Fringe, I got the brilliant idea that it would be awesome to have a  dwarf chicken like the one that I had seen previously while riding my bike. It really is a useless pet, but how many people do you know can say “Dude, Have you seen my pet mini-chicken?” Normally I am not a fan of chickens what-so-ever, especially after coming to this country. I have come to see them as dirty little assholes that crow at all hours of the day and night. But that being said, as much as I dislike chickens, my love for strange animals as pets outweighs it. SO… you can see why having a dwarf chicken would be so appealing to me!.. (well maybe you can). The one hiccup that I could come up with was my host mother. She dislikes chickens as much as I do, unless they are fried and on the table. So I couldn’t very well have her and my host father take me to the bird market to buy one, and how the hell would I get a chicken home while riding my bike? The only logical conclusion was to steal the dwarf chicken I saw earlier. So Project “Chicken Little” was born. First thing I would need is a few volunteers to help me with the mission…and what better source for pliable, willing people then my students (I know you are probably thinking I am a terrible teacher right now).

When I was back to feeling better I approached one of my favorite classes with my idea to “borrow”the little chicken. The overall response was not what I wanted.. “No Miss! You can’t!!!”So by the end of class I only had two daring volunteers, but it was more than enough! The next day, after classes, my two helpers and I walked to our destination. The chicken was there and I found that I was getting really giddy. I pulled out my camera (something this awesome had to be documented) and we started to inch forward.

Mini-chicken unaware...

The strategy was that my helpers were going to block either side of the chicken as I went up the middle, giving me time to take pictures and than swoop down and catch it. Easy Peasy! As I started to close in on him, his little head popped up, and all I heard was ‘Miss! Look out!”With that the damn chicken jumped and started for me! I went to swoop down and my helpers yelled at me, “No Miss! Just run. Run Now!”With the mini chicken still charging me from across the lawn, I saw in his eyes that he meant business. One of us wasn’t going to

"Are You Fucking With Me?"

make it out of this encounter, and I feared that one would be me. So with a very sophisticated (teacher) scream of, “Holy crap!” I turned and ran like hell with the angry little chicken fast on my heels!– My students having already left me to fend for myself.

We made it back to the school, all limbs intact. My students fell over laughing as I about hyperventilated in the courtyard. The came to lean over me as I was laying on the ground trying to slow my breathing“Miss, you are crazy!”

So maybe it was a crazy idea… I got a few pictures and learned something very valuable…. Little ass chickens are mean as hell!


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